Yuppies, Take Note

Admittedly, it seems to be a rare occurrence these days when I find that my parents know best. This seemed to happen a lot more when I was a kid - and I think it started to decrease exponentially when I became a teenager. And now ... well, if you're reading this blog, you know what I'm talking about.

So I was pleased to find this New York Times article about the immune benefits of a little grubbiness.

My parents were never cleanliness nazis. Our house was as reasonably clean and in order as you could expect a house with two kids in it to be. We had lots of pets growing up, which I suppose contributed to the general chaos, but I've never been sorry that we did.

I had at least one cat the whole time I was a kid, and I never had any allergy problems. Then I went off to college for a year, and when I came home for the summer ... I had a raging cat allergy. I'm still a bit allergic to cats, but I'm used to mine, as long as they don't do something overt like lick my eyeballs, I'm generally ok.

Likewise we never had antibiotics in our house. I'm not sure how much of this was due to an informed decision on my parents' part and how much was a product of the times. But we washed our hands in the bathroom, and before meals, and if they were visibly in need of a dunking.

Now we live in an era of intense yuppy paranoia. Bacteria, vaccinations*, nonlocalnonorganic foodstuffs - the very things that have helped bring civilization to this point - are the new forces of evil in our socioeconomic class.

What's the deal? Too much disposable income? Too much free time? Not enough real things to worry about? Is this what happens, when your civilization overcomes the basic obstacles to survival? I've been thinking about this a lot since I moved to Egypt, where these obstacles have, in many cases, not been overcome.

I'm a biologist. I actually understand viruses, and bacteria, and the human body. And I have a flat-out moratorium on any antibiotic products in my home. As far as I'm concerned, antibiotics belong in two places: the hospital and the laboratory. Soap and water is good enough.

In fact, I've even done an experiment about this. In high school we took some petri dishes and pressed our hands against them. Of course, this transferred all the perfectly normal bacteria from our hands onto the dish. Then we divided the dish into quarters and swabbed on antibiotics, regular soap, bleach, or nothing. And guess what - the soap was a hell of a lot more effective in killing the bacteria than the antibiotics - and didn't leave behind any resistant ancestors of future bacterial generations. Bleach, by the way, is best at killing bacteria, but I don't recommend rubbing it on your hands.

Incidentally, there's a science joke that runs like this: a biologist is a person who washes their hands before they go to the bathroom. Totally true.

So what's the big fuss? When I was a kid we went barefoot, we ate dirt and rocks and plants out of the backyard (in retrospect, I can't imagine why), we got sick, and then we got better. My brother and I caught impetigo once - seriously gross, but we got over it. And yes, I've had ringworm. Recently. And now it's gone and I'm much better at identifying and treating fungal infections.

I'm not arguing for an unclean home. Having things out of order in my own home drives me absolutely bugshit. Things have a place and should be in that place. But they shouldn't be disinfected, and no one should be preparing for bacterial "emergencies" - especially in the Western world. Remember when Homeland Security told us to buy saran wrap and duct tape for a smallpox attack? Carrying hand sanitizer, in my opinion, is equally as divorced from reality.

Man is not an island and shouldn't expect to be one.

Strike that. Man may be an island, but it's covered with icky things. And that's the way it's supposed to be.


* The first yuppy scum who tells me not to vaccinate my kids is in for a knuckle sandwich. Do what you want to your kids, but stay the hell away from mine.