Germany in November

Last weekend I took advantage of my teaching schedule and jetted off to Germany for a few days. I went to visit a friend, drink beer, eat pork, buy clothes, and eat pork. Oh, and drink beer.

Don't get me wrong, Egypt's a great place. This is probably the first and last time in my life I'll have anything resembling money. In their hearts, the people are good, the city is constantly balanced on the edge of chaos, and every single day I see something I'd never have imagined. A car full to the windows of pastries? Check. A monk driving a bulldozer? Check. Two cats fighting under my feet while I stand in the middle of the street trying to have a quiet cell-phone conversation? Triple check.

But there are things a girl pines for, like a decent draft beer. Or clothing that shows more than my eyebrows. I drafted the above resolutions, bought my plane ticket, and headed out Thursday afternoon for Germany. I'm enormously entertained that I've moved to Egypt and gone to Europe twice in four weeks.

The cab driver I called showed up 20 minutes late, then spent the entire 45 minute drive telling me why I should marry him. Of course, I was not happy about this, but at least there was no talk of "sexing." I was trying to save a little money by calling a yellow cab, but it's not worth the 5 bucks or so I saved over hiring an AUC car and driver. Experimentalist, thy name is Tiffany.

Par for the course, airline travel-wise, until I made it to Stuttgart. I was squinting out the window into the dark, when I noticed a strange phenomenon illuminated by the wing strobe lights. It can't be, I thought. You have got to be kidding me.

You've guessed it, of course - it was snowing. And I don't have a coat in Egypt. Fortunately, Deb had her head on straight and brought a coat, gloves, and a scarf to meet me. I also decided I'd wear almost all my clothes all the time. I looked ridiculous.

To my intense gratification, I spent Friday shopping in Stuttgart. H&M, Zara, and a mysterious German department store all robbed me of too many euros (thank you, GWB). From there it was on to Heidenheim, with a castle, goats, Italian food, German food, wine, a market, and the Autobahn! I drove on the autobahn! Cross that off my list of things to do in my life.

I ended my trip in Munich. We stayed at one of these euro-hip hostels, which was actually quite nice, and the price was a relief. Our room had 6 beds in it, and there were only 2 other girls. Oh, and I spent approximately an hour in the room. Because right after we shed our bags, we headed to the Hoffbrauhaus.

Very, very weird place. The beer only comes in two flavors - light or dark - and in one size: a liter. We sat at a long table with two German men who were in town for an actuary conference. Yes, you're picturing the conversation correctly. Occasionally the band broke out into a rollicking two-step tune, and old men grabbed young blondes and danced around the hall. I sure got my beer fix, although I was trying to be responsible, since I had a plane to catch.

Inexplicably, the Hoffbrauhaus closes at midnight. All my ignorant American assumptions about German culture were pushed out into the cold Munich dark along with the patrons of the brew hall. We ran into a few nice Scots, found a hotel bar, and I had one more (small) beer. I finally got back to the hostel at 2:30, and I knew I had to be up and about at 3:30. In the morning. In the dark. The cold snowing German Sunday night dark.

I admit it, I bummed 50 euros off Deb and took a cab. My bag weighed a ton - I'd crammed it to the top with pork, cheese, new clothes, and chocolate. No way was I struggling down to the subway in the dark and trying to read German subway schedules. I got to the airport and got checked in ok. I even managed to get to Rome without incident, which is a nice change for Alitalia.

(Let me break in here with another installment of "idiotic things I find funny." Check out the ziplock bags I bought in Germany. The eagle-eyed among you will spot the comedy. Not exactly high literature here, but I need another picture.)


Then, in Rome, I was on a plane with a bunch of Serbian belly dancers who were coming to Cairo for a conference. No, I don't make these things up. Yes, they were very nice. We boarded the plane half an hour late, and then, as we were literally on the runway, the pilot decided our plane wasn't safe and took us all back. Alitalia dumped us back in the arrivals terminal, so we all had to go through security - AGAIN.

The EU has all these signs posted in airports saying that it's forbidden to bring meat, dairy, or agricultural products into the EU. My bag, as I've previously indicated, was full of pork and cheese. And while I didn't expect the Italians to give me trouble - I was taking the stuff out of the EU, not into it - I was damned if I was going to let anyone take away my booty. I pictured myself sitting on the floor of the airport, eating 4 pounds of cheese, 3 pounds of pork, and 30 euros of chocolate. It was not a pretty picture. Fortunately, the airport staff were busy dealing with 300 pissed-off transit passengers, and weren't particularly interested in my increasingly smelly bag.

Bottom line, I got back to Cairo 2 hours late. Once again I had that intensely odd sensation of coming home to Cairo. I wasn't mad about the delay, because I knew I had no connection to make, with a customs greeter and a car waiting for me at the other end. Didn't matter how late I was - they'd still be there.

Of course, once I got home, I discovered that the delay did matter a bit - I had to air the cheese out of all my new clothing. And now it just smells like Cairo.