Do I Qualify?

Still looking for a job for when I get to Palo Alto.

Here's a perplexing part of an advertisement I just read. Let's parse it out, shall we?

PHYSICAL DEMANDS & WORK ENVIRONMENT: The physical demands and work environment described here are representative of those that must be met by an employee to successfully perform the essential functions of this job.

Umm, right. Isn't that why we're talking about it?

Reasonable accommodations may be made to enable individuals with disabilities to perform the essential functions.

Ok ... seems reasonable ... did I really expect an employer in California to say "gimps need not apply"???

While performing the duties of this job, the employee is frequently required to stand, sit, walk, and reach with hands and arms, and talk or hear.

Isn't this just, you know, being awake? And talk or hear? Not both? I guess lying down is the only thing you're not allowed to do.

Incumbent must be able to lift twenty (20) pounds. Incumbent must be able to perform repetitive motions fifty percent (90%) of the time.

Ahem. "Incumbent will also be responsible for reading job ads to make sure that this academy of sciences doesn't present any stupid math mistakes on their website."

As long as part of the job is making snarky comments, I think I'm a shoo-in.